Lily
Bio
Writer, Teacher Assistant, creator and believer in the law of attraction
Stories (61/0)
Grading My Life
I have been working in the education field for over 10 years. In these ten years I have gained so much experience as well as the personal satisfaction that comes with helping students achieve their goals. The proud achievements of my students is something that I celebrate with other co-workers and of course the students and their families. This quarter I received a thank you from a student who wanted me to know that she couldn’t have done it without my help. This thank you got me thinking about myself and my life. I was able to help a student reach her goals and get her self-esteem up in a couple of months, and yet in my own personal life I was letting myself down each day. If my life were to be scored with a grade, I don’t believe I would be celebrating.
By Lily13 days ago in Confessions
Letting go of the Past
Lately, I’ve been thinking a lot about my past, a lot. On my way to work, during work, after work, at night in my bed, all day long I am thinking of my past. I realize it’s not healthy to dwell on the past. I know it does not help anything to place blame on a childhood. I know all of this and yet my mind keeps going back to the past. The more I remember of my past, the more my present makes sense to me and perhaps this is why I am obsessed with the memories I am recovering. Still, I don't think this new obsession is helping me and so I want to let go of it. Can I let go of my past though?
By Lilyabout a month ago in Confessions
Figuring Me Out
This is hard work, harder than it looks. I’ve known myself for forty years and I’m still unsure of who I am. What do I like? What do I prefer? What is my true personality? I can honestly say I’m not sure. One thing is certain, I must figure it out now before my time runs out. Over the last year I have slowly come to realize that everything I am has been chosen to please others. It’s not really anybody else’s fault, they could care less, the problem is me and my worry about what others might think. For as long as I can remember, I have been choosing not to stand out. I have purposely chosen to keep myself as muted as possible, except for my writing of course. In everything else in my life I have kept myself as neutral as possible. I realize now that the reason I have chosen to be as neutral as possible is because I believe that this is what will keep me safe.
By Lily4 months ago in Confessions
I Must Be Merry
I’ll be honest, I’ve not been merry or happy during these holidays. I haven’t been happy for a long time. Ever since this past summer. These holidays I really had to push myself to act happy. Anytime I was out and about I smiled and pretended as best as I could. Now, being at home for my holiday break I find myself numb to everything and everyone. It’s such a strange feeling because I feel at peace being numb. Feeling nothing feels good to me. Deep down I know that this isn’t right. I know that I am allowing my depression to take me again, I don’t want that. I know that the reason I want to feel numb is because I’m too afraid of feeling sadness or happiness. This neutral place feels good and safe, but in reality is neither of those things. The New Year is coming up and I’m starting to feel myself drawn to a new year’s resolution. It is only one resolution but one that if I’m able to achieve will affect many aspects of my life. My resolution for this coming year is to be happy, truly happy.
By Lily5 months ago in Confessions