Classic Movie Review: 'Threesome'

Threesome (1994)

Directed by Andrew Fleming

Written by Andrew Fleming

Starring Josh Charles, Lara Flynn Boyle, Stephen Baldwin

Release Date April 8th, 1994

Published April 30th, 2024

I'm pretty sure that Threesome is a horror film. I can't prove that definitively, there is nothing that documents that Threesome is a horror film. But! And this is important, it is a movie where Stephen Baldwin is one of three people involved sex act involving two other partner. If that doesn't send a horrified chill down your spine as much as Freddy Krueger's nails on metal does, then you likely don't know who Stephen Baldwin is. Take my word for it, you should shudder at the thought. I am relatively certain that 90s Stephen Baldwin is my sleep paralysis demon. He just sits on my chest and farts and laughs so hard he nearly falls.

Threesome stars Josh Charles as Eddy, a closeted and deeply confused young man. While his male friends are pursuing women, Eddy has no interest. Even moving into a dorm with a party animal and sex pest named Stuart (Stephen Baldwin) can't get Eddy interested in pursuing recreational sex. Eddy's development will be rushed along when Eddy and Stuart pick up a third roommate for the private ensuite in their dorm room. Alex (Lara Flynn Boyle) is a crazed narcissist who was accidentally assigned to a male dorm room because everyone assumed the name Alex indicates a dude.

Alex is standoffish at first but eventually begins throwing herself at Eddy who maintains confusion regarding Alex's motives well past what is believable. No joke, she's moments away from fully putting her hand on his penis and instead of saying he's not into her, he forces her to let him leave and then wonders to Stuart if Alex wants to be with him. Yeah, that's back to back scenes in this idiot sandwich of a movie. Meanwhile, Stuart desperately wants to bang Alex and she shows no interest in him. Eventually, it will come out that Eddy prefers men but that doesn't stop Alex who vows to change his mind by any sexual means necessary.

All three main characters are horrible people. Violently stupid caricatures trapped in what the filmmakers seem to think is an edgy and intelligent story. Perhaps, at some point in the past, Threesome was a smart sexy, funny and witty script, but that's not what ended up in the movie. Instead, pretentious characters drop the names of authors they claim to have read but it's clear that these are the kinds of people who have a book by Emmanuel Kant on their coffee table where it has sat unread for years. Nitwits, each of these three characters is a nitwit.

Writer-Director Andrew Fleming stated at the time of the release of Threesome that the film was based on his own college experience. I don't doubt that there is a kernel of truth to that. I believe that was Fleming's intent, to capture an authentic experience of life from his own real life. That said, this intention did not make it on screen. What we have instead are shrill caricatures of curious college student archetypes enacting a simpleminded plot that pretends toward insight and lands somewhere less insightful than a very special episode of Will & Grace.

There is quirky girl in movie and then there is whatever Lara Flynn Boyle was directed to be in Threesome. It's truly baffling to watch. If you told me that writer-director Andrew Fleming hated women, I'd believe you based solely on how he has drawn Boyle's character in Threesome. She's obsessed with trying to get Eddy to sleep with her so she can turn him not gay, insisting that sex with her is the key to becoming hetero, and then, when she doesn't get what she wants, she flies off the handle like some kind of TV Movie version of a mental patient. She's also assigned a kink where she gets off on big words. This is intended as funny. I assure you, this gag is never funny.

Threesome is featured in an upcoming episode of the I Hate Critics 1994 podcast. We chose it because the film was from 1994 but also because the film was recently trending because of the threesome drama Challengers which recently became the most buzzed about movie in America. The I Hate Critics 1994 Podcast is a spinoff of the I Hate Critics Movie Review Podcast. Each week, myself and my co-hosts, Gen-Z'er M.J and Gen-X'er Amy talk about a movie released in theaters 30 years ago that weekend. The goal is to document how movies and culture have changed in just the last 30 years. Find the I Hate Critics 1994 Podcast on the I Hate Critics Movie Review Podcast feed, wherever you listen to podcasts.

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