Why I Fell In Love with You...

The first thing I fell in love with was your red hair. I mean it is the first thing you notice without a doubt but I have a heritage in Ireland and Scotland and am deeply attracted to red hair so your beautiful red hair and your goatee drew me in. It was almost brighter than the sun itself. I just love hair on a man. There is something truly primal about it. The second thing was when you looked at me I felt like I was in my ancestor's shoes looking out at the great blue ocean that carried us all to America. Your eyes are so blue that one could seriously swim in them. And speaking of primal, when you spoke your voice had a deep, husky sound to it but not so deep that it couldn't have a soft edge to it. It could be both at the same time and it was truly a God thing your voice. The first time that we held hands I knew that everything would be okay. Your hand was soft in the center but rough around the edges. It takes me back for a moment to my great-grandfather's hands. He, too, had red hair. To be honest, I've searched my whole life for a man with hands like my Papa. He had rough hands from hard work. You see, he worked with wood, vehicles, metal, and anything that needed fixing on his farm. At the same time, he could also tend the earth with a gentle soft touch or wipe a child's tear away with a gentle swipe of the finger. My grandma always taught me that you could tell a lot about a man just from his hands. I never forgot that lesson. At that moment we held hands, I felt everything I had been lacking in a relationship before that moment suddenly fell away. None of it mattered anymore.

I felt safe, secure, loved, comfortable in my skin, not judged in any way, the patience of Job, and maybe even more than that, support, the ability to be free but to be free together, and perhaps best of all understanding.

That touch said all that to me and so much more and neither of us had to say a word. Do you know why? Because as beautiful as words can be and are; it's actions that pave the path. When two souls find each other after searching for decades you somehow just know. This man has been so patient with me so far. Sometimes, I pull away and there's no real reason why except my trauma. It's hard to trust again and he knows that because he's been there too so when I pull away he slowly, slowly reminds me that he's not leaving, talking will help but for now he'll give me my space. You see, he knows I can do this alone and he can do it alone as well but we don't want to & so slowly and without judgment we always find each other again but slowly and respectfully. It's going to take work and some days he or she will drive you crazy but just to know you have a partner feels so good.

Here we are...years later, I have dirt under my nails and you are at the rake getting up the weeds and the leaves from fall and winter. The sun hits your chiseled jawline which has softened with age. The wind tossed your hair into your eyes. You smile at me, I smile at you and then I turn the water hose on you. We laugh. As it turns out, I won't die alone on this mountain. Well, damn there goes that plan.