Don't Let Go.

Why did I let go of his hand? When did I let go of his hand? He was right here with me a second ago I know he was.

"George" I called out his name turning in a circle and looking back down the aisle for any sign of the red bobbled hat I put on his head this morning.

"George" I called again louder this time retracing a few steps to the jackets I had been looking at a moment ago. Still, nothing people had looked over from across the store, if he was nearby he would have heard me surely.

"George, can you hear me shout out if you can" I shouted this time my pace quickening as I ran along the ailes looking down row after row and clothing.

A staff member could help, why are they never around when you need them? Had I been browsing they would have been all over asking if I needed any help am I looking for anything specific? Yes, I am I would say I'm looking for a 5-year-old boy in a red bobble hat and a blue coat and blue shoes. But there was no help to be found.

"How could you let this happen, you're a terrible father. Helen would never have let go of his hand." I wished she was here now, she would know what to do. How would I tell her that I had lost him, how would I explain that he was just there and then he wasn't?

"GEORGE I NEED YOU TO ANSER ME" I shouted as loud as I could. I grabbed a man who was looking at ties and spun him around to face me, he looked annoyed, I didn't care. "Have you seen a small boy? He has a red hat with bobbles and a blue coat?" I said. He shook his head, "No, sorry you should get a member of staff to do an announcement."

I would if I could find one you fool, I thought to myself. I let go of the man and ran back down the aisle looking left and right for a flash of red and blue. What if someone had taken him when I wasn't looking? What if while I was preoccupied with what jacket would look best someone snatached him?

You hear about it on the news children being snatched in broad daylight but not here not in the center of Marks and Spencers on a Sunday morning in London. But what if they did, what if they noticed how innatentive I was being, how much more I cared about a stupid jacket than my own son? He is so small it would only take a second to pick him up and run because his stupid father didn't care enough to watch him.

My mind was invaded by an army of horrible images each worse than the last. The news reporting his abduction, the police at the house, and Helen crying at his funeral. Although my brain knew these thoughts were not real each one was like a dagger.

"GEORGE I NEED YOU TO SHOUT OUT IF YOU CAN HEAR ME" people were looking from across the store now. Looking with judgemental stares at the horrible father who valued looking good at dinner over looking after his son. I was back at the jackets where I last saw him. What if he went outside? I looked over to the exit more intrusive images of a red hat by the side of a road, of a van who didn't see him step out in time.

I turned towards the exit.

"Boo!" a small voice came as small hands grabbed my leg. Followed by stifled giggling. I looked down to see that red bobbled hat that I put on his head this morning.

"Scared you Daddy," George said emerging from between the jumpers hanging behind me. He looked up at me beaming and trying his hardest to stifle a giggle. I looked down tears of fear being washed away by tears of relief.

"Oh, too scary." George said starting to look concerned "It's just George Daddy it's okay." he said gently patting my hand. I dropped to my knees and pulled him close. "Much too scary. You got me good." I said, "But no more hiding when we are outside okay?".

"Okay Daddy, can we go look at the toys soon please?" George said.

"Okay, but this time we are going to keep hold of each other's hand and not let go. Deal?" I said

"Deal" George replied