120 "Your Prayers Are Very Important To Me."

Thank you for your faith. Your prayers are very important to me. Prayers will be answered in the order in which they were prayed. This call may be monitored for quality purposes.

Due to heavy supplicant volume, you may experience longer wait times. Please enjoy this celestial choir.

Thank you for your patience. Listen carefully to our menu, as the options have changed:

Press 1 if you are ill.

If you cannot wait, please call 9-1-1.

Press 2 if you have fallen into financial hardship.

If you cannot wait, temporarily suspend your tithes and apply for the new credit card for which you have been pre-approved. Remember, certain restrictions apply.

Press 3 if you need to be hired for a certain employment position that will certainly change your life.

If you cannot wait, please contact your state's unemployment office for community college opportunities in other professions. And you can temporarily suspend your usual tithes.

Press 4 if you're experiencing a crisis of faith.

If you cannot wait until I re-proselytize you, please review the Christopher Hitchens videos on YouTube or, alternatively, consider Islam, Judaism, or any other religion, except for Scientology. (Don't get me started!)

Press 5 if you are consumed by a breeder reactor of unpayable student debt due to incessantly accruing interest.

If you cannot wait, please transfer your debt service to the new card for which you have been pre-approved. Remember the promotional interest rate is temporary.

Press 6 if you are depressed.

If you cannot wait, please consume your larger-than-usual daily requirement of chocolate and ask your doctor if SSRIs are right for you.

Press 7 if you are in pain.

Remember that higher numbers on the analog pain scale receive priority.

Press 8 if you just want to talk.

If you cannot wait, please call back. I'm kind of busy.

Press 9 if you just can't catch a break and enjoy our celestial choir.

PLEASE BE ADVISED that due to

• current conflicts,
• natural disasters,
• epidemics,
• famines, and
• genocides,

...we are experiencing longer than usual wait times. For your particular stupid, first-world concern, consider just dealing with it and stay on the line for a brief survey. Thank you for your faith.

[CLICK!]

_____________

Apologies for the apparent lack of diversity in Heaven. Blame it on AI.

AUTHOR'S NOTES:

For Monday, April 29, Day 120 of the Story-a-Day Challenge. Now well into triple digits!

366 WORDS (without A/N)

All pictures and lack of diversity in Heaven are AI-generated, but the quality of the call is not.

---

There are currently three Vocal creators still participating in the 2024 Story-a-Day Challenge:

• L.C. Schäfer, challenge originator

• Rachel Deeming

• Gerard DiLeo (some other guy)

PLEASE SUPPORT THEM BY READING THEIR DAILY SUBMISSIONS

_______________

The following content below is just filler, because this story was rejected because it did not meet the 600 word limit required. However, is the 120th Story of the Day I've done, each being no greater than 366 words, and the first to get rejected for word count. I am adding this here to get to 600 words because I feel it would get approved, then, more quickly than the 48 hours of turnaround time with making a ticket, and so on.

I ask the other two participants in the story a day challenge if they have had the same problem.

The following content below is just filler, because this story was rejected because it did not meet the 600 word limit required. However, is the 120th Story of the Day I've done, each being no greater than 366 words, and the first to get rejected for word count. I am adding this here to get to 600 words because I feel it would get approved, then, more quickly than the 48 hours of turnaround time with making a ticket, and so on.