The Color of Motherhood

If motherhood was a color, what would she be? Maybe there is no answer to that because though a mother may have a color, her motherhood on the other hand is void of pigment.

I once heard a woman who was against interracial relationships and adoptions say “black birds should be with black birds” and “white birds should go with white birds”. Of course that’s just an opinion, like it or not, but what happens when a white mother bird decides to adopt a black baby bird in a world where so many are against the idea? You find out the true color of love.

Once upon a time a tall White female named Nicole (Peggy) met this young Black male named Joe who was new to her church. That Joe is me. When he started coming to the church more often she started interacting with him more and made a conscious effort to play a positive role in his life. The problem is he was very rebellious and not very accepting of her affection. In fact it took a whole year for him to embrace her, but once he did he never regretted it.

Joe came from a traumatic past. His mom died when he was 17 and due to his childhood experiences he was very rebellious. To this day I still don’t know what kind of conversation Nicole had with God when she made up her mind to adopt this adult young man in love, but once she accepted the challenge he certainly kept her hands full. Nicole was always getting on Joe about his language and mannerisms outside of church. Nicole who was already a mother of four children had fully started regarding Joe as her fifth child and in every way she started treating him like the rest of her children.

As mother and son, Nicole and Joe had a lot in common. One of the things they had in common were issues surrounding race that played a big role in both of their past. The mother and son bond that they had came with a lot of criticism and rejection. Though everyone closest to them was fine with their bond, the rest of the world was not so easily swayed. They both faced opposition from people who felt like a white woman and a black male should not be identifying as family. They didn’t like the opposition, but they always stood up for each other. When I was a kid the movie Losing Isaiah starring Halle Berry and Jessica Lange was one of my favorite movies. It’s plot was centered around a White mother who fights to keep custody of her adopted Black son when his biological mother emerges to try to win him back and all movie long she has to deal with people telling her that she is not fit to be his mother simply because she is White. Ironically this ended up playing out in my adulthood with Nicole.

Joe often got annoyed at hearing people refer to Nicole as his “White mother” and Nicole also dealt with her fair share of ignorant regards to addressing Joe as her son. The conflict between Joe and Nicole was never these issues of race, but how to deal with them. Joe was always on the wrathful combative side, whereas Nicole was always for turning the other cheek as the main objective. In the year 2020 the world was not only on fire with a pandemic, but racial injustice as well. This all effected Joe and Nicole heavily. Nicole was hurt by all the division taking place in the world, but Joe was harboring a strong rage that would’ve only added fuel to a world that was already ablaze.

I think during this time Nicole was afraid that she was going to lose her son to the pain and hatred in the world of racism, but being the praying mother that she was, she fought nail and tooth to make sure that never happened. She made it known to him that she was not going to let her son be taken by evil and that she was always going to fight for him. Joe had to stop for a minute and ask himself was the mother he gained in love worth losing by letting himself be destroyed by the world’s woes. His angry emotions said yes, but his heart said no. He wasn’t going to allow himself to be taken from another mother.

Though many people look at Nicole and think “you shouldn’t call that Black boy your son” she doesn’t care. Many people look at Joe at say “you shouldn’t call that White woman your mom” Joe doesn’t care. For Nicole, Joe is not her “Black” son, he is just…her son. For her, nothing and no one would ever convince her otherwise.

One day Joe went with Nicole to visit another church. When she introduced him to this church body that was new to him she said “This is my son Joseph. He doesn’t look like me and he doesn’t sound like me, but he is my son”. So what is the color of motherhood? Well, it doesn’t have one. The color of motherhood doesn’t exist. Motherhood is just motherhood and love is just love. Many people don’t see it that way, but so shall it ever be.

~~A Mother’s Day tribute to my mother Nicole.