in her shadow
confession from someone invisible
eyes always went to her first
caught by her powerful feminine charms
looking through me like I didn't exist
it stung, but I never felt envy
proud to call her my sister
standing in her shadow wasn't all that bad
... except for the times it was lonely
*
*
***Disclaimer*** Since Vocal wants transparency in regards to the use of AI-assistant tools, here are the two in my Google extensions: ProWritingAid & QuillBot. Neither wrote my poem for me.
About the Creator
Brin J.
I have a few stories and poems inside me that I want to share. Maybe, if I'm lucky, they'll reach people who'll enjoy them. 📖
Reader insights
Nice work
Very well written. Keep up the good work!
Top insight
On-point and relevant
Writing reflected the title & theme
Smartystan
Rain didn’t stop Mala. Swaddling for Edgar covered the baby boy’s body and she held her other son’s, Burton, six-year-old hand. The mud, muck, and mire didn’t hinder her from staying on course with her mission. From Pennsylvania, they all trekked to get closer and closer to land that was never promised but simply implied. Each step produced more mud caked around her sneakers. She didn’t care. Her rucksack provided them protein packs to put into plastic bottles and nuts and berries and dried meats to keep their muscles in good health. Water hydrated. She rested. The baby had been asleep the entire time that she had started her journey and her eldest son remained silent throughout the excursion as well.
By Skyler Saunders3 days ago in Chapters
Comments (30)
Hi there Brin Firstly, thank you for reading my short story for the ‘Just one moment’ Challenge - ‘Paused: At Coolun Beach.’ I have Subscribed because I know by your ‘In eclipse’ Challenge that I will indeed enjoy your work and am looking forward to reading more. This is such a well crafted (eg the lack of title case) and poignant poem. Pauline 🌸
This is really nice
I have no idea what these tools are, but the poem is excellent.
Back to say congratulations
Sad poetry💔 - Congrats on TS!
so sad and painful... yet positive at the end... congrats on TS!
So happy this received TS!!! Congrats, Brin :)
Congrats on Top Story!
This is such a great interpretation of the prompt. I really connected with the heartache of being lost in a sibling's shadow but still loving them.
fantastic. My sister was too much younger than I was for me to get lost in her shadow ... however .... my brother was two years older and people gravitated to him often leaving me in shadows. I usually felt so lost but even now, I feel even more lost because I don't have my brother to speak with. I miss him more than I miss being in his shadow.
Me putting the pen down after reading this, this is a winner. Great job!
Your essay is extremely beneficial, and the substance is excellent. I have read many articles, but yours left a lasting impression on me; thank you for sharing. https://run3ds.com
Ah Brin, I read this before...but for some reason didn't interact. I am bad, that is why....lol. Anyway, what I love about this most is that it is sad, yes, because obviously you'd want some of the attention at least some of the time, as we all do/would...but you don't resent your sister for it. You hold her in high regard...so it's got this real sadness to it, but it's not spiteful either...which makes it quite remarkable really. so deftly written! congrats on it getting Top Story!
Love the subtitle. It sets the stage for the feelings evoked. Congrats, Brin!
👌❤️💕👏
Congratulations on Top Story.
Congratulations on Top Story. Your choice of 1st person gives this piece intensity. Love it.
So raw and riveting! Great acrostic, Brin! And congrats on Top Story!
Congratulations on top story!! Loved it!
Back to say congratulations on your Top Story! 🎉💖🎊🎉💖🎊
This was heartbreaking and so so beautifully written!! Great work Brin and congrats on Top Story!! Also, I didn't know Vocal was wanting us to tag everything we use for our work... 😬😅 I better get back tracking since I've been using prewriting a lot, thanks to you for the suggestion!!
Congrats on the TS.
I love this so much, and it's got me thinking about a quandary I've never experienced - loving someone but feeling overlooked because of their existence. I have 2 bros but no sister, so I've never felt this. I'm thinking now of my cousins I grew up with. There were 4 girl and I didn't understand why they sometimes didn't want to hang out together. Hmmm. Sorry for the rant. Did I mention I love your poem?
I liked this unique take on a very relatable situation. Not focusing solely on the bad, but not shying away from it either. And the description of lonely making one feel invisible, excellent work!
Enjoyed your work but sad.