It's Awfully Cold

There are certain things that are just not to be tolerated in this world. I'm sure if I gave you a minute to think, you could have a decent list of them. Some things just come to you almost immediately. One of those immediate thoughts for me is the endangering of children. It makes me absolutely rage until I'm near sick with it. I share, well, I shared, this justified anger with my sister. She had a real bleeding heart about a lot of topics. I'm sure that in olden days they would say that she had a "poet's soul." You know, seeing beauty, even if tragic, in almost every aspect of the world. She had very deep feelings about anything that could be discussed. She kept up with a lot of the news. Not like I did. I tried to stay away from the news for the most part because if I didn't then I would get frustrated with the way of the world; and she would only commiserate with me to the point of creating a quagmire of anger and sadness.

Maybe that's why I blame myself so much now. I didn't pay enough attention to the news to know that there was a possible danger so nearby. I would have learned that that danger had pegged my sister as its newest mark. After all, even the most chase hungry monsters enjoy an easy prey from time to time.

"We should go ice-skating!"

I should have known that was coming to be honest. It was a freezing early December day, but it was also gorgeous. There was only about 3 inches of snow on the ground and the sun was out. It made the whole world a field of diamonds. Kaylee loved to ice-skate on pretty winter days. She always said it made her feel extra graceful and "like a fairy." I just like how relaxing it is to go around and around in a circle when the rink isn't too crowded. There's something to be said about how safe an activity that doesn't require too much thought can make you feel. It's so comforting. It's so dangerous to be so comforted. It's so dangerous to be so comforted when the threat stands across the ice staring right at you. The rink had never been so empty before. I should have known. I should have questioned the quiet. Even the guy who rents the skates refused to look up or speak. We were too trusting to the past safety. Car accidents happen on empty streets too.

"Those kids have been staring at us this whole time," she'd whispered.

I had noticed them when we got here. They were standing by the bleachers of the rink. They hadn't gotten on the ice at all. They were just standing there. So quiet. So still. Just watching. When I first saw them about 7 minutes after we entered the rink, I had been confused. Why didn't they get on the ice and play around like other kids do? Why didn't they seem happy to be here? At first, after watching them for a bit, I thought that I knew the answer. I almost blew up with anger right then and there when I thought that I had figured it out.

They were NOT dressed for the weather or the rink. They didn't have any coats, mittens, hats, or scarves. They were frigidly pale. The little girl, clearly the older of the two, clocking in, by my guess, at about 8 years of age had pin-straight mousy brown hair. She had a little button nose and wore a green flannel dress with a black long-sleeved shirt underneath. She wore white tights and black Mary James on her feet. I remember when I was a little girl and how much I hated those shiny shoes. How, no matter what I did, they always put blisters on my feet. The little boy, I want to say maybe 2 or 3 years younger that his sister, was holding her hand. His hair was more of an oak color. His nose was a bit more upturned than hers. He wore a green long-sleeved flannel button up and black corduroy pants with black dress shoes. 'A clear attempt by their parents to have them match,' I thought to myself.

But that was all. They had nothing else to cover them or shield them from the cold. Since we had only been there a few minutes when we had noticed them, I considered that one or both of their parents were in the bathroom and had their other layers. But the longer Kaylee and I skated it became more and more apparent that no other adults were present nor would they be coming.

Like I said, at first I was ready to be nuclear-levels of angry. It's no wonder that these kids weren't having fun or getting on the ice. They were probably cold enough as it was and undoubtedly miserable. I wanted to go over and talk to them, maybe offer them some care. Our shared apartment wasn't that far from the rink. We walked here in fact. I was sure that if Kaylee gave them our coats, we could speed-walk back to the apartment quick enough that we wouldn't freeze too bad. From there we could warm up these poor things and call the police. And just as I was about to skate over to them and begin putting that plan into action, I noticed it. I had taken note that they were still before, but now I really noticed it. They didn't even shiver. No attempt to put any warmth into their pale, thin little limbs. Not even little puffs of breath escaping to indicate that they were breathing at the very least. For a morbid, hideously grim moment, I thought to myself that they might have already frozen to death right here in the rink. Waiting on parents who were not coming back. But then it happened.

Blink.

The little girl blinked her eyes.

Blink.

The little boy blinked his eyes.

This should have made me feel a bit more at ease and yet, my stomach was in knots. I drifted just a little closer to the edge on my next lap around; and I could see it now. They were tracking us as we skated. The most microscopic movement of their heads. And now that i was closer, I could see that their eyes were so, so dark. They were almost black. Entirely black. 'No, that can't be right,' I thought.

'I'm just too far away to really see them. They're probably just a really dark brown and dilated. Just the body's response to the conditions. But honestly, they remind me of a shark's.'

This thought made my stomach coil more. I drifted back closer to Kaylee. She looked worried and nervous. Kids or not, they were creeping me out. I felt like a monster because now, I didn't want anything to do with them. I didn't want to check on them anymore. I didn't want to get any closer. I wanted to take off my skates and get home so they would STOP looking at me.

"Let's do one more lap and go," I told Kaylee.

She looked conflicted. I knew what she was probably thinking. She wanted to go over and check on those kids. She didn't want to leave them alone here in the rink, with the sky outside quickly losing light. But, I also knew she couldn't get any closer to them on her own. I knew because of the two of us, I was always the more reckless, and I had NO intention of ignoring any baser instincts of mine tonight. I could see that it physically pained her to nod her head, but she did it. We finished our lap and held the handles to make it over the barrier onto the cushioned floor of the rest of the building.

"Can you help us?"

I nearly face-planted from shock right there and then. It was the little girl that had spoken. Her brother was still right beside her. How? They had been clear on the opposite side of the rink. The clear plastic panes that surround the ice means that I should have seen if they had started walking toward us. But here they were, as sudden as the heart attack I was sure they just induced in me. I looked over at Kaylee and she looked equally as flabbergasted. The two of them stayed quiet, expectant. I saw Kaylee swallow down her queasy terror and force a little smile.

"What do you need sweetie?"

I wanted to yell at her. 'No don't talk to them!' I thought panicked. Both sets of eyes had shifted firmly to Kaylee now. I felt like I was made of glass and I had never been so relieved and frightened all at once. They were looking at Kaylee. They were looking at MY sister. I wanted to shove them away and drag us both at a break-neck sprint back to our apartment. But I knew I would never be able to do such a thing. If Kaylee had pushed passed her terror to smile at them, then there was no way she would let us leave them entirely on their own now.

"We got separated from our parents," the little girl said.

"But we live really close, " the little boy continued for her, "will you take us home?"

"Our mother said it would be awfully cold tonight," the little girl picked up again, "and that we shouldn't go anywhere alone."

'Then how did you get here?!' I wanted to scream. But I could only look at Kaylee in panic. There was no way that I was going to let my only sister take these children anywhere. Not on my freaking life! And then, almost as if he could hear what I was thinking, the little boy turned to me and glared. I felt my entire body freeze. I didn't know it was possible for a child to look at anyone that way.

"Of course we'll help you get home," Kaylee said. Her voice had gone all soft and sweet. Like it did when she was speaking to normal children or a particularly affectionate animal.

They were smiling now and the very sight of it made me want to cry. Both of their mouths were closed and I had the terrible thought that if they opened, I would see rows and rows of shark-like teeth. Their pure black eyes were fixed so firmly on Kaylee, I felt like I was watching a horror scene on TV. Kaylee finally turned away from them and looked to me. Her face was still pale and clammy-looking, but I could see how she had resolved to see these children off to safety. There would be no stopping her now. My stomach rolled and my head throbbed when she attempted to smile at them again.

"My name is Kaylee and this is my sister, Maria," she said.

The children smiled a little wider, but didn't offer up their own names. I felt like I was in a fog. I could hear her tell them that we just needed to return our skates and then we'd take them right home. Both of them took one of her hands in theirs and started walking, practically pulling, her out the rink door with them. I knew I couldn't lose sight of them. I knew it at the core of my very soul. If I let Kaylee out of my sight, I knew somehow I would lose her forever. I forced my wobbling legs after them and saw Kaylee in the middle of taking off her rented skates to return them to the guy behind the counter. Those children were staring Kaylee like dogs waiting for a bone. The desk worker was staring at the counter with such intensity that it only increased my need to be sick. Even from the several feet away that I was, I could see that he was shaking and sweating buckets. I started scrambling to tear off my skates to get to Kaylee quicker. My frantic movements caught the terrifyingly void-like eyes of the girl. She turned her head to me so slowly with the most loathing scowl I had ever been on the receiving end of. My heart and head pound faster and my want to cry multiplied one hundred fold.

I was shaking as I picked up my skates and forced my legs to move closer to the three of them. When Kaylee turned to look at me, she gasps and her face goes ashen.

"Maria, you're nose!"

I put my empty, shaking hand to the bottom of my nose and it comes away in bright, wet crimson. I'm not sure what comes over me then, but I have a full break-down right there. I just sit on the floor of the rink lobby and cry and wail and bleed. I'm once again, vaguely aware that Kaylee is speaking, but only one sentence really stands out to me:

"I'll take them home and then come back."

I just keep sobbing and repeating 'no,' in my attempt to keep her here with me. Out of the corner of my eye, I see both of those, those things, smiling at me. Looking so smug, that I throw my skates a pathetically short distance in their direction during my adult tantrum. The front of my coat is slowly getting stained with my own nose-bleed and my full out sobs have caused my eyes to shut long enough that I don't even see Kaylee leave. I don't know what's wrong with me. I can't stop bawling. I can't force any more words aside from 'no' out of my mouth. My nose won't stop bleeding. I feel a hand on my shoulder. It's the rink employee, and while still pale, he looks much less like he wants to throw-up.

"It's been about ten minutes since they left," is said so solemnly. Like he is declaring a time of death.

My gasping breaths between sobs stops with a choke. I rip my body from his attempt at comfort and throw myself at the outside door. I can hear him shouting at me. About what, I can't say I remember or care. Maybe about my boots that I left behind and only realize so when my wool socks sink immediately into the snow. I whipped my head around a few times trying to see if I might still, by some god-given miracle, see the three of them close enough that I could catch-up to them. There was no such miracle. I looked down and choked out another sob. I can still make out their footprints in the snow. The indents of Kaylee's boots and the impressions of little Mary Janes on the right, and tiny loafers on the left. I follow them desperately. For a few feet they make their way straight, to a an area I've passed enough to know has an apartment complex. My heart slows for a minute. Maybe they really did just come out when they weren't supposed to. Maybe they really were just little kids who didn't know any better and went to the rink to be inside. I lost that thought immediately when I saw that the footsteps made a sharp left. There's a little open field that way. No playground equiptment to tempt kids by themselves. Definitely something that not even Kaylee, with her soft heart, would let them detour to willingly in this weather with the sky turning purple. Certainly not when they had no coats. I followed the footprints until I came to the field and then I froze.

I stopped breathing.

I felt like my skin was a straight-jacket and I had no way to Houdini myself out of it.

Blood. Bright crimson, and still warm if the way little wisps of steam coming from it were real. It was like some had taken a bucket of the stuff and just splashed it onto what once had been pure crystal white. The footsteps ended there.

I couldn't have held back the scream in my throat even if my vocal chords had been frozen solid.

I called the police. They came with an ambulance, but there was no body to be found. They ran a DNA test and confirmed that the blood did belong to Kaylee. The search party didn't find her. The dogs didn't find her. And no matter how much I dug, and walked, and prayed, I haven't found her either. They interviewed the rink worker and he confirmed my own story about what had happened before. The worker, the police, and I watched the CCTV together, and I swear that I've never doubted my sanity so much in so short a time.

The cameras see us come in. The worker renting us the skates and even in that terrible footage, you can see him shaking. The rink cameras see us going around. The way we slow down and get nervous. How we try to make our way back to the main area of the rink. How we stop and talk to...nothing. They're not there. They're not anywhere on the cameras. Every place they should be, the footage is fuzzy. Still able to make out the rink and the main area, but those kids don't show up. The only proof that I have is that the police did see their footprints in the snow with Kaylee's. But that's all. No missing reports for them. No sightings matching their description from anyone in that apartment complex they were headed to. No worried parents. Nothing. They're just gone. Just like Kaylee. I didn't stop looking for Kaylee for a single day. I lost three fingers that winter to frostbite. My job put me on leave to recover and grieve. It's summer now. I have the blinds open and sunlight coming into the apartment as strong as any day there's ever been. I just keep shivering. I don't think I'll ever be warm again.